I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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