I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
