Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
