Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
