remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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