Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
