so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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