And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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