i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
