Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
