Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
