By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
