well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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