the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
