everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
