I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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