quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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