I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
