I wish I only lived at night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
