We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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