If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
