Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
