this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
