i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
