im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
