I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i now understand why vodka
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
