so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
