Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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