So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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