she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
