Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that's an acceptable place to lick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
