I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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