Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
