Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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