It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
