just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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