i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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