yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
