Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
