dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
