never play flip cup with pint glasses
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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