and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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