Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
