but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
