Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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