I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize