Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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