Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
