Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
