Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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