weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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