Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
