There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
