My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
